Bad Idea

The way I felt sick to the stomach in the car. How undecided I was, how much I just knew it was a bad idea for one reason or another. How much I didnt want to give into you again. I gave in too easily, again. The worst part now though is not that I broke a promise to myself, not that I went back on all the anger and things I said about you; but instead the fact that I miss you. Its only just dawned on me. God I miss you so much. We were nothing, I know that. Only a line, perhaps a few sentences in this story, but I just keep re-reading you. You make me happy when I'm with you, but I dont trust you in the slightest and I don't believe that I'm anything more then a couple of nights and a couple of days to you. I feel like i've known you so much longer then I have and yet we know nothing of each other. I'm not sure if things will change, I'm not sure what it is you actually want and I dont think you're sure either. We're friends. I won't forget you, you made everything hurt again in such a short amount of time. Before that you made everything right again, if only momentarily. Only for a day. As though it were a bad dream. You made me cry, a huge accomplishment. You took me 10 steps and 2 years back.

I wonder what you're doing right now, I'm not sure I'd want to know. I wish I never had to wake you up those mornings, I wish I could have just laid there. I never could sleep though, you always had me awake early. You have my attention. What else do you want now?

You still make me so fucking angry!

- 14th November