The Treason in Trust

I've never felt so alone in my life. It's a shame really, these walls have to go up. I can feel them growing, stone hard. To think i'd let them down enough to let someone in enough to hurt me. I'm so distraut about so many things and yet ive allowed to time to sooth myself. Losing my best friend, losing one person I truely cared about for no reason; allowing myself to feel something for someone that deserved nothing at all.
I have an earge to disappear stronger then I ever have before. You can't trust anyone, not a single soul. Even someone you so playfully label as family, a peson you instill so much faith in, not even they can be trusted to stand by you.
I hate these people, more then anything.
I hate them and yet here I am.
It's scary to think that when I want to cry, for the life of me I cannot. I find myself gritting my teeth, takeing deep breaths and telling myself I don't give a fuck about anyone or anything.
It's been building. It has. Self control.

- 15th January.
A terrible night, a wonderful wake up call.