I'm too free;

I find it too easy to float through life day by day enjoying the time that is currently infront of me. I am trying desperatley to tie myself down to something for once, trying to do something with my life that will result in stability. My emotions are erratic and mind wanders, dwelling on visions, words and moments that distract me from productivity.

I am finding it difficult even still, after making the meaningful decision, to weigh myself down. It may come as a suprise that the one who is making it the most difficult is the one who has only ever pushed me to do something constructive with my life. I suppose, given the circumstances its actually not a big suprise after all.

For the first time in a long time I am actually interested in being in a relationship. I feel as though I need someone to keep me thinking realisticly. I need some security, I need someone to keep me grounded. I need perhaps the opposite to myself. I have found myself again as the end of this year draws closer. I have found myself in words and images; its nice. It is nice to be so eager to want to write something down or take a photo of the sunset. It is suprisingly comforting to be so aware of the mistakes I have made and the goals that I have in place. I find myself feeling less shallow, looking past asthetics and longing for someone I can have a decent conversation with and who likes to read books. Somebody with depth. Somebody with substance.

Sometimes I feel I might float away.